09.03.03 | 9:15 pm
You know I'd walk a thousand miles...
So a little and a lot has progressed since my last entry.
Josh and I had that "talk", the 2nd one that is. Him and Andrew came over on Saturday night and I messaged Josh before they came over saying that I thought we'd be better off as just friends. I apologised for being unfair and for hurting him (if I had) and I said that I hoped it wouldn't come between us as friends because he's a great guy (which he is). He was really cool about it and the anticipated awkwardness when he walked through the front door actually never came which was both suprising and relieving. Things have simply slipped back to the way things were before and if anything, it's made our friendship stronger :) I admire Josh for the way he's been able to handle things. Even if it is superficially. Anyway, the guys had dinner at my place that night, then we watched DVD's all night and they ended up crashing at mine. All three of us slept on my queen size bed. It was hot and uncomfortable to say the least. I got a killer picture of the guys in bed in the morning, but until I open a paid for Ranchoweb.com account, I won't be able to upload them unfortunately.
Last night, well, more accurately this morning (around 1:30ish) for the first time in a long time, I cried. We were falling asleep to this amazing song from Open Space: The Classic Chillout Album 2 called Close Cover by Chris Winter. I used to put this song on repeat for hours when I was sick and living in Wembley. I'd spend the whole day at home and all I used to do was listen to this song over and over again and just lie there and think. So when I was listening to it on repeat this morning at 1am it brought back a lot of memories and I cried because I missed Justin. Every memory of that place in Wembley is touched by him. There's not one still frame I remember with him not in it. I haven't given much thought to him lately, but I did this morning, and I had to struggle to keep my tears silent. I missed him a little bit today as well. I'm starting to forget all the bad things. All the times we got angry. Its funny how you look back through rose colored glasses, and how each person's glasses are different to those of the person next to them. All I can remember is the good; all Justin can remember is the bad. I miss Justin because I can remember the good. He feels nothing for me because he can remember the bad. I feel sorry for him.
Reminds me from a scene in Godzilla, with Matthew Broderick. He bumps into his college sweetheart in a pharmacy and they get talking.
Ex-Girlfriend: You're still mad aren't you?
Matthew: Well you left without a note, phone call, anything. Yeah I guess you could say I'm still a little mad!
Girlfriend: That was eight years ago Nick... People change.
Matthew: Most people don't.
Girlfriend: Well I'm sorry you feel that way...
Turns and starts to walk away
Matthew: Hey wait! You're right. Eight years is a long time..."
Girlfriend turns around and walks back and they start talking as they walk off together.
I wonder if it will be eight years before Justin and I talk like friends again. If we ever do.
I'm suddenly not in the mood to write.
Much love guys.