14.12.02 | 7:54 pm
cut short due to... well...
Hey guys,
Well somehow (although I didn't think it was possible) things have gone from BAD to WORSE. I went to my appt with Dr. Dobney on Thursday and told her my anxiety wasn't getting too much better and that I'd like to be put on medication. She gave me a sample pack of Zoloft (an anti-depressant) and said to come back in a week to see how I do with them.
Well. I took half a tablet (the prescribed dosage) on Thursday when I got home which was about noon. Justin dropped me off and I felt pretty seedy because I hadn't eaten much that day. So he stayed for a little while and I was feeling pretty sick so I decided to take the Zoloft in hopes that it may relax me. Unfortunately, it did quite the opposite. My anxiety levels were at a level I never thought they could reach. Within the hour I was crying constantly (without reason) and I FELT absolutely and completely petrified. I didn't want to move. It was pure terror. I called Mum and Dad, no answer on their mobiles. I called my doctor, she was out on a house call. I called Justin and he just got as upset as I already was. I was completely alone and absolutely terrified. I'm telling you now, it was hell.
However, like all things do, it passed after a few hours and by the late afternoon/early evening I was back to normal (normal as in constant but bearable nausea) but still recovering. Dr. Dobney called back as well and I told her what happened and that I was fairly okay now and she said that yes it could go in either direction (ie. elevates or decreases anxiety levels) for the first few tablets and then you become used to them. She suggested I take my tablet tomorrow before I go to sleep, so that hopefully I wouldn't feel any of the effects.
Justin came and stayed over last night after he played soccer. Friday during the day was bearable again, but I hardly ate anything. I've found it increasingly difficult each day to each food. I eat a little of something and it makes me feel sick. But only because I haven't any food in my stomach or because I'm feeling anxious. And then I worry about throwing up because I feel sick and that makes me more anxious. So then I eat less. And feel more sick because there's still no food in my stomach. And thus is the vicious circle.
So he stayed Friday night, I was absolutely shattered (I haven't been sleeping well, did I mention?) and ready to go to sleep by the time he arrived after soccer. But I was so scared and so worried about taking my Zoloft, especially after my episode on Thursday. We crashed at about 10pm and I kept waking up every few hours and stressing about my tablet. Eventually I took it at about 3am and then woke up an hour later with nausea. Again. I woke up cause I choked on something - I swear it was vomit coming up my throat. So I was up for about another half hour and WOAH GUYS IVE GOTTA GO, NOT FEELING TOO WELL!!!!
I'll try and finish this later, sorry!!!!