23.09.02 | 1:08 pm
so sad, too bad
Justin came to see me on my break... His eyes looked so sad today, like he was about to cry, so devastatingly. It was heartbreaking..
Andrew's right... I told him he wasn't but he is. Things between us three will never be right, for as long as Andrew loves me and for as long as I love Justin, it will never work. I make Andrew happy, and that means almost as much as making Justin happy. Andrew hasn't had an easy life, he's surrounded by death, sadness and failure. Just talking to me makes him happy and that means a lot to me, to know that I can help him in some small way. Justin means everything to me and I'm very proud of the way he's handling the situation between me and Andrew. If I was him I'd have killed Andrew by now, or tried, at least.
"I'm in an akward position. its like having an angel and a devil on each shoulder. And im sorry. but theres nothing i can do to change it."
I have Andrew on one side and Justin on the other. Neither of them will ever feel comfortable around the other, and beneath surface features I know how Justin feels about Andrew and vice versa. Yet I don't want to let either of them down. They're both important to me, and I want to make them both happy. But just by being with one of them, I'm making the other unhappy. I would hope that it never comes to the point where I have to choose between them. Each of them know who I'd choose, but I ask never to be put in that situation. Just as you, Justin, asked me to never make you choose between me and Kelly. It's the same thing, except that no one's been abused and hurt here. Only loved instead and yet it causes the same pain...
So sad, too bad.