14.09.02 | 8:05 am
killer entry
Hey guys,
Well this should be a killer of an entry! First new factor: OMG, CHASE AND VIJA GOT MARRIED! For all of those who don't read Loki's diary - you should! Chase married Vija just to stay with her 'cause she had to go back to the Ukraine, when he doesn't truly love her and he still has feelings for Aloka. Not to mention he didn't tell anyone about it, Loki found his ring by accident! *drama!*
Jus is in bed atm, probably being sulky and pissed off at me 'cause I left in a huff (I'll spare you the details). Last night was a bit of a funny one... We were at his house until about 8ish (had the house to ourselves) and at about 4 or 5 I think it was, he had to take Kira to work and I was still playing Yahoo! Pool. To my greatest amazement, he let me stay infront of the computer alone while he took Kira to work, although I could feel how uneasy he was about it. Truth is, I still don't trust him online. I trust him in real life, but not when he gets lost in his countless chat programs. So of course I had a poke around. I didn't go through his hard drive or anything, just looked around on the net, in history to see what he'd been up to lately. The only interesting thing I found (although I didn't go through all of it) was a large number of Yahoo! personals, mainly blonde trash. One girl that I saw (yes she was blonde) was #19 out of 1000. Under his account name. I thought, are you serious? He has 1000 favourites?! And then I thought, well, actually, that really doesn't suprise me. And I was a little disappointed. After Jus came home, he didn't leave me side at the computer and I don't blame him. Then I was going through my emails and I had one from Drewz. As soon as he saw the name in my inbox he definitely wasn't going to move. So eventually, when I realised that he wasn't going to go until he'd seen the email, I opened it. Biiig mistake. The better part of the email was Drewz telling me that he does still love me and that I envisioned everything he looks for in his "dream grrl". Justin was quite upset, understandably. I know how Drewz feels about me, but I also know he respects Justin. He knows that we love each other and he wouldn't come between that. He knows he could never have me, and it's coming to this realisation that's the important thing. I don't want to bail on Drewz though. I still see him as a friend, because like I said to him, I know how devastating it is to put your all into life, into someone you love and not get anything back. How heart breaking it is to try so hard, and just see your world fall down around you. And I don't want to leave him to that sad world. Because he tries so hard. Yes he's fucked up in the past, but we all do, even the one I'm in love with now. I just want to see him happy, as any good friend would want to. Justin doesn't like it, but he doesn't have to. He told me when me and Kelly were fighting that he'd never ask me to choose between him or another person (namely a guy, especially Drewz). But things will never be right between me and Andrew. Bad timing I guess, it's just too weird and it makes everyone too uncomfortable.
Anyway, after all that got sorted and I asked him about the girls in his Yahoo! account (which of course, he just shrugged off) we ended up going to La Q in Vic Park with the guys (minus Will) and Jess and Anna. I really didn't want to go, so I told Justin he could go without me but he had a big cry and said that he wanted me to come etc etc because he wanted to be with me tonight etc etc. And I said to him, "I came to ice skating for you on Wednesday!" And then he was literally begging me to come so I did. And as I predicted, I was bored as all fkn buggary, and then Justin had a big strop about it when we got home and got into bed. The whole way home he was asking "Are you pissed off with me?" And I was like "Ffs, no I'm not I just want to go home!" And then I fell asleep. We didn't touch each other at all in bed last night (not like touch touch, just like lying in each other's arms etc) until about 6:30 this morning and I missed him so I curled up behind him and wrapped my arms around his chest.
But anyway, I think that's about all guys. I'll be sure to post more later today, Jus is at work so I've got a nice quiet reading/writing day for once!
Ciao-a guys *mwah*.