02.10.02 | 10:48 am
fucking shit
This is really starting to fucking shit me. People telling me I should grow up and stop being so stubborn, people telling me I should apologise to my parents and try and smooth things over. What exactly the fuck would they know? They haven't lived with my father for 17 years. They haven't seen their mother live through a depressive breakdown because of him. They haven't had to get counselling because of him. I don't understand what Mum and Dad are trying to do. Like trying to break me up with Justin will bring me back to them, so that I love them and only them? First they stop feeding him, then they stop him from staying over, then they ban him from even stepping over the doorstep. Are they envious of Justin? Do they hate him for loving me? I don't understand. I wish I knew what they were thinking. I wish I could just talk to them, but they won't. They just get angry, clam up and start yelling. It's so frustrating. And my friends, those ones who know so much about me, think I should "grow up", "stop being stubborn" and "try to work things out." To everyone I say this:
Fuck you all. What would you know? You think you know me? You don't. So back the fuck up and keep your opinions to yourself.
There's a difference between advice and support, and pushing someone. Pushing them to do something that's wrong, even though they think they're doing the right thing. And while I'm sure everyone has the best intentions, really, I could go without that sort of "help".
If there is ever one thing in life I refuse to stand down from it will be this. I will not let them tear my life apart. Justin is my life, I would be broken without him. And I would choose him over any person in this world.
Even my parents.
Because with the title that is "mother" or "father" comes respect. Support. Understanding. Compassion. Love. Friendship. Communication. Honesty. Sympathy. Fucking support and understanding. And love. Something I haven't been feeling from them for a long time.
Btw, Justin wrote this for me about when he was driving home last night. Read it, it's beautiful *sigh*.
Much love...
Mel.