10.12.02 | 7:13 am
optimism schmoptimism
Morning guys,
Bright and early today. I didn't get much sleep last night.. which has been happening for a while. I wake up in the wee small hours of the morning and then doze on and off until I'm fully awake at about 5:30-6am.
I've got another Centrelink interview today which I'm a bit worried about. Some lady has gotta go through my claim form for Youth Allowance with me and I think I need to lodge an "Unreasonable to Live At Home" form as well so I can claim rent assist and shit like that. I'm probably gonna be there for a while and I don't know what it is about it but Centrelink really gets me going. I was stressed and crying while I was there yesterday, I couldn't control it and I didn't know why I was so upset. I had to go and wait outside and try and calm down while I waited for my number to be called. I hope it's not the same thing today. I might try and do another relaxation tape before we go. Mum found some old ones and gave them to me last night. I ate a couple of strawberries and half an apple last night which really got my stomach going, God it was awful. The fruit was slightly on the acidic side and Mum later told me that apple is hard to digest as it is. I was like, "greeeat" and in agony for most of the night. I got a cramp in my stomach this morning as well, I half woke up and went to stretch and roll over and as I stretched out my body I got this jolting pain in my stomach and realised my whole stomach was cramping, like a muscle in your leg cramps. It was awful.
Justin and I.. "talked" last night and I don't think it really got us anywhere. *shrug*. Maybe if I start acting like it's all just fine it will sort itself out and everything will be okay. Obviously my efforts to try and fix things have done jack shit so what's the harm in trying to do nothing hey? I talked to Andrew last night as well... though it wasn't really a talk. A few words which we exchanged. Simple pleasantries most of them. It was pretty disturbing.
I've gotta go into work and pick up all my stuff today and say goodbye which is also going to be semi-traumatic. Not looking forward to it. Once today is over hopefully I can seriously start relaxing. I've had this bullshit Centrelink stuff to worry about and leaving work and everything. Today's gonna be a tough one fellas.
I'll try and post when I get back, depending on how I feel. I've eaten half a Magnum this morning and I feel like shit. Not looking good. *deep breath*... well here we go.
Much love guys,
From an "optimistic" (yeah right) Mel.