17.12.02 | 10:24 am
ten to one
Well..
"It is a truth universally acknowledged that the moment one part of your life starts going right, another falls spectacularly to pieces". - Bridget Jones' Diary
True that.
So I took my 5th Zoloft yesterday. After Justin told me how his manager at Cicerello's had been on Zoloft for a year and how hard it is to come off it... I was like.. greeeat. Mum and Dad are both on Zoloft as well, for different reasons. Dad for PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and Mum for depression. Which leads me to my next point. Mum and Dad haven't been talking for about two days now. Well, more like Mum hasn't been talking for two days. Dad's taken the car out somewhere this morning and turned off his mobile phone so God knows where he is and when he's coming back. So I sat next to Mum in the study and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I'm just really depressed at the moment." Now this I can understand, because there's been some problems with Dad's eating/drinking habits, plus Mum is really sick herself and has been in a lot of pain recently. Dad said she's feeling sorry for herself. So I asked if it was something Dad had done and she nodded. Then she told me she didn't want to make me feel worse by adding to my worries so she's just not talking. At this point the tears had started rolling down my face and I was suprised that they weren't rolling down Mum's. I asked if there was anything I could do and she shook her head. She closed her program on the computer and said that she just wanted to be left alone.
So whether they mean for it or not, and I'm sure it's not, I am worried about them - I mean geez they're my parents. When Dad gets back I'm going to ask him about setting up another counsellor for me at VVCS so I can start getting some professional therapy and I'll also tell Dr. Dobney what's happening as well when I see her Thursday. Dad's gotta take me home sometime today and Justin's staying round after he plays basketball. I'm glad 'cause at the moment I don't like being alone. I'm still feeling pretty sick though. I woke up again this morning at around 1am feeling sick but I managed to get back to sleep until 4am when James' bloody stereo alarm started blaring Ali G. I ate a little cereal for breakfast which is a great improvement for me (except that no one seems to care) but I've been feeling sick since then and I can't get rid of it - ARGH! I might try eating a little more... nothing else can get rid of this sick feeling, it's so dabilitating and yes its spelt wrong I can't be fucked checking the spelling. God.
In conclusion, I guess, as Justin said, you get your good days and your bad days. It's just not fucking fair that its one good day to 10 bad days.
Much love,
Melinda.